Reflective Essay

Our assignment for Mr. Sutherland is simple. Create a blog, write about a topic, and post it in our blogs. So far I think I’m doing okay, it’s never really something I stress about throughout the week. I have posted a total of thirteen assignments on my blog. Most of the things I post are basically thoughts and feelings towards the different perspectives people have about society and religion. Other topics I write about are topics I can relate to, ideas, thoughts, and feelings I have encountered throughout my life so far. I wrote two songs, one of them is about religion and the other one is about the girls I knew in middle school. A couple posts in my blog are responses to what other people post and my thoughts about it. I also have responded to quick writes from the class that I wrote about in my journal. I find responding and talking about the quick writes a lot easier than writing about other topics of my own because I have already written about them in my journal. I would have already heard ideas from the people in the class who discuss about them, so I don’t really have to think much, just organize. Of course there are plenty of challenges I always struggle with, some of them are easy to overcome, but other obstacles make it hard for me to continue writing about the topic. But despite all the struggles I face, I still enjoy having a blog.

In middle school, I thought I was a great writer. Well, at least according to what my 8^th grade teacher said, but I believed her. She made us write essays, paragraphs, and poetry, which is my favorite type of writing. However, it’s not like she made us write paragraphs every day, not even every week. I was never used to writing more than 350 words every week. Every time my English teacher would tell us to write a five paragraph essay I would immediately freak out, I would stress a ton over five paragraphs. It was very rare to me when I was told to do such thing, and that’s probably why I would freak out so much. But now that I go to ASTI, I feel like I can write a five paragraph essay with   no trouble at all. Of course, it would take a while to get my ideas straight, but it’s just not as hard as it used to be. I can’t believe how I could have so much to worry about a wimpy five paragraph essay. Yesterday I read this essay I wrote in 8^th grade, we basically had to write a story, in five paragraphs or more. I remember it took me days to finish my first draft. Weeks later, when I finally published my essay I felt like it was the best thing I ever written, I put so much effort in it. The whole story was about eight pages long, double spaced. My teacher was so proud of me; she showed it as an example to the entire 8^th grade. But anyways, I look at it now, and it’s crap! It’s a good story, but it has no theme, a ton of errors in grammar, and a couple parts aren't essential and don’t make sense. It was the best because two thirds of the 8^th grade sucked at writing. But that was the past, now I find it easier to write five paragraphs. All thanks to Mr. Sutherland’s magnificent blog idea.

            My blog ideas come from different places. Sometimes they come straight out of Mr. Sutherland’s classroom, but other times they come from my own personal experiences. Some things that come from school are the quick writes; I wrote and responded to about a couple. One post in my blog that I consider to be fairly successful was the quick write: Is Bob Still a Person? It was basically asking if there was a limit or a point where a human is no longer a human. Music is also one of the things that inspires me to write. I listen to music every day, so I am familiar with the process of writing lyrics for a song; which leads me to another post I wrote in my blog. It’s a song about a tragic event in my life that affected everyone in my family. A tear jerking event that not only teared me apart, it also made me who I am now, an atheist. I guess the best line from that is when it says, “Hurricane God, Caused so much destruction.” This line is for the people who say that God works in mysterious ways, or that God is good. It’s talking back to those people and saying, “No, God is a deadly storm.” These are some of the ways I come up with things to write about, and the results.

            Because I get suck on a variety of things, I have a couple goals I set up for myself for the next quarter. One of my goals is to STOP PROCRASTINATING. I always do my blog typing on Thursdays and Fridays, but mostly Fridays. I even procrastinated while doing this essay. I want to be able to finish all my blog posts on Monday if possible or during the weekends, this way I would have more time to read The Kite Runner and finish with all my other homework. Another goal I have is try to make my blog posts longer; I noticed that the word count barely meets the requirements. I am so obsessed get assignment done that I don’t even bother looking over it; I just calculate the number of words and then post it. Sometimes I do this when I run out of ideas, which means that the topic I choose to write about is not something I know a whole lot about or I don’t have a strong relationship with it. So my third goal would be to pick the topic carefully, to brainstorm and make sure that I have a lot to say about that topic. Otherwise it would be short and repetitive. These are the goals I plan on achieving for the next quarter of blog posting.

Essay: Of Mice and Men

 Author Steinbeck wrote a famous novella in 1937 called Of Mice and Men, which is about two migrant workers struggling to survive in the agriculture valleys of California during the Great Depression. One of the characters is George. George is a smart guy; he is not much of a hard worker but is very good at socializing with people. Compared to other people, George is small – especially compared to his friend Lennie. Lennie on the other hand is tall and bulky; which makes him a good worker. There is only one problem with him that leads up to the main conflict in the story. I believe the main conflict in this story is character versus self because Lennie has mental disabilities that cause him to lose control of himself and start more conflicts with the people around him. Because of his psychological issues, Lennie starts a rivalry with the boss’s son, Curley, in the ranch him and George were working on. But those errors he had didn’t seem so immense after making the biggest mistake of his life that changed everybody’s life forever – including his.           

           

George and Lennie had a job working at a ranch, and while Lennie was inside petting the puppies, George was talking to Slim, a guy in the ranch. He was talking about Lennie, about a particular incident that happened in Weed. Lennie saw a woman with a pretty dress, and he liked the dress and wanted to feel it, and so he did. The woman felt Lennie’s hand on her dress and immediately screamed. Lennie was confused and very frightened; he did not know why she was screaming. He was so scared that he didn’t know what to do, so he grabbed the dress tight. George had to knock him down to the ground just so he could let go. The woman told the authorities that she had been raped, and so George and Lennie had to run away from that place. This just shows the reader how Lennie’s conflict with the lady affects everyone around him. It shows how untamed he is, and the downfall he caused George and himself.

Lennie never wants to hurt anybody, he is a peaceful man. But sometimes his disabilities cause him to lose control of his emotions. An example of this was when Lennie made enemies with Curley, the boss’s son. What happened was that Curely could not find his wife, she wasn’t anywhere near the ranch. So when the guys heard they began to tease him, everyone except George and Lennie. Lennie was thinking about the dreams inside his head, just the thought of living in a house with George made him smile.

Curley though, thought he was laughing at him. He was already annoyed at the other guys for teasing him, so he picked a fight with Leannie. Curley began to punch his face, Lennie, who was crying for George to tell him to stop, was bewildered; he really had no idea why Curley was attacking him. He finally decided he had enough, with blood dripping down his face, he managed to grasp Curley’s hand, the same way he snatched the lady’s dress. Lennie had scared out of his mind; he didn’t know what else to do rather than to grab hold of Curley’s fist very tightly. The other guys, who were only watching, saw that Lennie was seriously injuring him, and so they tried to help out. Lennie finally released Curley’s hand, but not before completely ruining it. Curley damaged Lennie’s face, and Lennie damaged Curley’s hand, but they each had different intensions. Curley just wanted to prove he was better than him by beating the living hell out of him. On the other hand, Lennie never wanted to hurt him, the sensation in his mind took control of his body.

           

            The last thing that Lennie did on that ranch was horrible; it was the only mistake out of all of them that definitely changed everyone’s life forever. He was with Curley’s wife watching were fix her hair. When she was done it looked so pretty, and so she asked him if he wanted to stroke it. With no doubt, Lennie reached and touched her smooth hair. Everything went downhill from that moment, he couldn’t let go. She struggled and screamed, but this only frightened Lennie, so much that it made him grip on to her hair with his tough hands. She turned her head, trying to free herself from him, and that’s when she snapped her neck and died. As ridiculous as it sounds, Lennie accidently killed the boss’s son’s wife. He is now starting to become a very dangerous person, first he grabbed a woman’s dress in Weed, then he crushed Curley’s hand, and now he killed Curley’s wife; and all because of the same thing. He just can’t manage himself; his brain gets in the way. Lennie was never against anything or anybody; he was against himself all along.

           

            Lennie is a very complicated being. No one understands him, not even he understands himself. George is the only person that comprehends him, the only person that truly knows Lennie’s inner self. It’s like there are two sides of Lennie: the jolly, childish side of him that likes petting puppies, tending rabbits, and seeks to bring peace to those around him. And the violent, terrified side that physically attacks and scares people away. Most people only get to see the bad side of Lennie, right before they realize what a great person he is, he gets in to another conflict – with himself. Lennie’s main goal is to get rid of his bad side that’s causing him misery and abandonment, and replace it with more of his happy side. George is the only one that gets to experience the joy in Lennie’s attitude; he is the only one that knows that he would never do anything to hurt anybody, at least not purposely. Unfortunately for Lennie, killing Curley’s wife was not only the worst thing he had ever done, it was also the last.

Broken, Ignorant, Tramp, Confused, Hateful

Verse:
Don’t you turn off the switch
Don’t pull the lever on me
Cause deep inside I’m a bitch
Caring less about the things in life that aren’t free

Pre-Chorus:
It hits me with confusion
And it can’t stand my delusions
Yet it’s only an illusion
In my mind

Chorus:
Flick on the black hole
That feeds off of my life
We’re living on a shadow
Please don’t use that knife

Verse 2:
I throw your self-esteem in the trash
Not the recycling bin
Cause time now runs in a flash
Leaving me with no regrets in life, free of sins

Pre-Chorus:
It hits me with confusion
And they can’t stand my delusions
Yet it’s only an illusion
In my mind

Chorus:
Flick on the black hole
That feeds off of my life
We’re living on a shadow
Please don’t use that knife


I wrote this song like two days ago, It's basically describing a person. The person I'm describing is selfish and very rude with others. She doesn't care about anything but herself and her appearance, she doesn't even thank anyone for favors they did for her. The character in this song gossips, spreads rumors, and disrespects people she hates for no good reason. She thinks she is capable of doing whatever she wants, without even being able to sweep the floor or do simple work like this. She thinks her life is perfect, but in the back of her head she knows that her life is very miserable.

In each verse, I give a little detail about what it is this person does. In the first verse where it says, "Don't you turn off the switch," she is desperately begging for someone to help her. In the second verse where it says, "I throw your self-esteem in the trash, not the recycling bin," it means she insults people so badly that it scars them for life. The pre-chorus is talking about misunderstanding of why her life sucks. Finally, in the chorus she is completely miserable and does not know what to do, it's like her life turned against her because of how bad she was living it. Btw, the title is an acronym (B.I.T.C.H.)

Response to David Su's Post About Stage Fright

This is a response post to something that David Su typed up. I decided to respond to this because it is something that I have a problem with as a student, when I read his blog post I can see myself. 

Before and during a speech or a conference, I become extremely nervous and feel the need rush. I want to get the speech or my part of the conversation over with. When this happens, it tends to imply that I will shake my legs or stutter. If I am holding a paper while I talk, many people see that I am shaking the paper intensely. When I am nervous, I also forget my train of thought. That's why when I try to say something, I usually end up saying never mind or that I will go a little bit off topic.

That was a paragraph form David's blog that stood out for me. I have the exact same problem, every time I am told to step in front of the classroom my heart immediately sinks in. I can feel my heart pumping loudly at a fast speed, and by the time I make it to the front of the class I feel my head throbbing and dizzy. The sensation is very intimidating, there is absolutely no sounds to be heard except for your voice. The thing I don't like about talking in front of the class is that I suddenly become the center of attention, everybody is listening to my words and if I accidentally say the wrong thing I get that feeling that everyone is silently laughing their asses off inside. I get a mild stomach ache and feel the need to punch somebody in the face and leave the room. All these feelings I get just from talking in front of a large group of people, however, I find talking in a small group of people a whole lot easier, even if I'm talking with total strangers. I don't really like talking in front of a lot of people, I want to get it over with quickly, but at the same time I don't. I know I have to work on my public speaking, that's why every time I have to read or present something, I see it as a chance to accomplish something good.

Hurricane God

Puddle of tears

And we look back to those years

When your words were so clear

It’s a new type of fear

You say it’s meant to be

Don’t say that you’re like me

You say he needed him

But I say we need him more

Hurricane God

Caused so much destruction

You got to open your eyes

And wait for sunrise

As the bird flies

Don’t believe in your lies

Just feed it goodbyes

And everything that passes on will be alright

With one last hug and a kiss goodnight

Don’t make me laugh

On behalf of the day

When I drove faith away

And it’s better now this way

You say it’s meant to be

Don’t say that you’re like me

You say he needed him

But I say we need him more

Hurricane God

Caused so much destruction

You got to open your eyes

And wait for sunrise

As the bird flies

Don’t need no baptize

Just accept with goodbyes

And everything that passes on will be alright

With one last hug and a kiss goodnight

One last hug and a kiss goodnight                         

                   

            This is a song I wrote when one of my relatives past away not so long ago. My uncle in Mexico died from anemia. I remember that when he was sick, all close relatives gathered at somebodies house to pray for him. We did that every weekend for about 3 months. Just when our relatives called to say he was getting better, he died. The news was very devastating to everyone, especially my mom. She could not believe that her brother she knew her entire childhood had died. I didn't know him that well, he was around only when I was no older that five. But I still have images inside my head. After that, everyone prayed again for about nine days straight at someones house. Almost immediately I questioned my religion, more than I ever had. My mom was still a believer, but I wasn't. My mom said he died because God needed his help in heaven, that sounded to me that God was a hypocrite. Why didn't he ask his "angels" or whatever to help, instead of my uncle? Well maybe because there is no such thing as God and he died of natural causes.