Okay so I just finished reading Bany's opening statement about if child celebrities should be role models for people their age. She believed that they should NOT be role models, but there was a bit of confusion in some parts. I think it was a typo or something because in some parts she typed "they should be role models...", that sort of confused me on which side she was defending. Here is a brief quote from the end of the statement:
"...my main point is all celebrities should be models to kids their age. That could help teenagers strive to go in the right direction and be better people. Celebrities are looked up to and they put themselves into a position where they have to take responsibility of what they do."
I think she should fix this because it totally contradicts everything she said in the beginning. Another thing Bany could revise is her fourth paragraph about why kids and teens look up to their stars. It doesn't really support her claims and it adds clutter. The evidence and sources she provides are good. Both of her links are related to her topic and are basically examples of celebrities who have made mistakes at some point in their career. However, there was another point she was trying to get across but I just couldn't understand what she meant by it. Here's the quote:
"Most of their lives are planned out the whole way, by what they have to wear to what they have to say."
This just needs a little clarifying to make it clearer to the reader. Here is a quote from an
article written by some athlete or celebrity (idk what he or she does):
"It's fortunate and it's unfortunate, because a parent can tell a child to do something and it might fall on deaf ears. But I (or another athlete or entertainer) can say the same thing and it registers. I don't know why it's like that. But because of that, I take being a role model very seriously and responsibly."
five more words....five words
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